That'd cost you a quarter!
Have you ever playfully said that when you hold the door open long enough to let co-worker pass by? Or when you brought a cup of water to a friend? I did and I sometimes, still do. Its all in light hearted spirit. There are no hidden meanings to convey that I am servant nor that they are masters, but just a way of ruling out that I am being chivalrous (on compulsion).
Once (sometime last year), I was in a restroom at a local bar actually taking a leak. The spot next to me was vacant, when a decent looking, gracefully dressed, aged 55+ or even 60s gentleman took it. He looked at me and smiled. Since it didnt seem like a plastic smile I said, "I have held the spot for you and its costs a quarter". Two more drops and a shake, I'd be done walking out of the room, when the guy retorted, "My mom might have been raped by a jewish guy, that I am so cheap I wont part with my last quarter, HAHAHA".
I expected him to say back something funny, so in anticipation of that, I was already beginning to grin (and sometimes, this would encourage others to further loosen up), but those words slowly started to sink and my brain started to register. The smile on my face evapourated and anger started to kick in.
I couldnt take it, that a harmless quarter-for-leakspot took such a nasty turn, so I went, "Moms are like that arent they, she shouldn't have had you in the first place, HAHAHAHA". I waited just about enough time to watch all his abandon charm leak away along with his piss and it was his turn to be pissed on.
That was also my first lesson that just because a smile didnt look plastic, it doesnt mean that its real too. There are men (and women) who master the art of making a fake smile look real and they got no qualms about it.
While I think of this incident, it brings back fond memories of a man who I've known for about 7 years and one I can probably call a true non-desi friend of mine. He was bundle of enthusiam, openness, charm and friendliness, all incorporated into one. Rudy, a German immigrant to 'California' back in 60s. [The reason, I put California in quotes is because he didnt want to admit that he moved to America, for him it was all California]. He made it a point to not lose his Frisian accent and inspite of living for about 40 years, he didnt apply for American citizenship. He regretted that Calif isnt the same anymore and that I being a young immigrant wasnt given the same welcome treatment that he received. So, he used to take time each friday to introduce me to richness of areas around Campbell, Sanjose and Santa Clara. Those were fun times because, just to show me how to walk up to a stranger, this man who was married for 20 years with four kids, used to walk up to a dashing looking 20s hot blonde girl, strike up a conversation with her and proceeed to introduce me to her. And then, he would prod me to do the same.
After a few beers, he would recollect what he learnt about Hindu philosophy, the openness of practising it, the wideness of it (chastly admonishing the retrograde caste system), while I tell him the similarities between the german and sanskrit languages.
However, one fine Californian summer evening, he went to the restroom and returned with a pale and puzzled place. He said, 'Prasad, I almost got into trouble today in the rest room". Upon little inquiry I learnt, while he was doing his 'thang' in the restroom, he wished a "hi" to a young guy next to him. After some small talk, Rudy mentioned that he was originally from Germany. It was the most unfortunate thing to hear the young guy reply with, "Ahh, that guy Hitler, hehe". Make no mistake, Rudy hates Hitler and everything associated to him. I dont think he said anything back, but just calmly moved out.
These two incidents prominently come to my mind because of the two different experiences we had at two different places and times years apart. People haven't changed, their insensitivities didn't nor their proclivity to be politically incorrect in the guise of humor. I would probably have felt that the man talked crap to me because I was an Indian, but Rudy's incident proves that there is no such barrier when it comes to offending others.
Once (sometime last year), I was in a restroom at a local bar actually taking a leak. The spot next to me was vacant, when a decent looking, gracefully dressed, aged 55+ or even 60s gentleman took it. He looked at me and smiled. Since it didnt seem like a plastic smile I said, "I have held the spot for you and its costs a quarter". Two more drops and a shake, I'd be done walking out of the room, when the guy retorted, "My mom might have been raped by a jewish guy, that I am so cheap I wont part with my last quarter, HAHAHA".
I expected him to say back something funny, so in anticipation of that, I was already beginning to grin (and sometimes, this would encourage others to further loosen up), but those words slowly started to sink and my brain started to register. The smile on my face evapourated and anger started to kick in.
I couldnt take it, that a harmless quarter-for-leakspot took such a nasty turn, so I went, "Moms are like that arent they, she shouldn't have had you in the first place, HAHAHAHA". I waited just about enough time to watch all his abandon charm leak away along with his piss and it was his turn to be pissed on.
That was also my first lesson that just because a smile didnt look plastic, it doesnt mean that its real too. There are men (and women) who master the art of making a fake smile look real and they got no qualms about it.
While I think of this incident, it brings back fond memories of a man who I've known for about 7 years and one I can probably call a true non-desi friend of mine. He was bundle of enthusiam, openness, charm and friendliness, all incorporated into one. Rudy, a German immigrant to 'California' back in 60s. [The reason, I put California in quotes is because he didnt want to admit that he moved to America, for him it was all California]. He made it a point to not lose his Frisian accent and inspite of living for about 40 years, he didnt apply for American citizenship. He regretted that Calif isnt the same anymore and that I being a young immigrant wasnt given the same welcome treatment that he received. So, he used to take time each friday to introduce me to richness of areas around Campbell, Sanjose and Santa Clara. Those were fun times because, just to show me how to walk up to a stranger, this man who was married for 20 years with four kids, used to walk up to a dashing looking 20s hot blonde girl, strike up a conversation with her and proceeed to introduce me to her. And then, he would prod me to do the same.
After a few beers, he would recollect what he learnt about Hindu philosophy, the openness of practising it, the wideness of it (chastly admonishing the retrograde caste system), while I tell him the similarities between the german and sanskrit languages.
However, one fine Californian summer evening, he went to the restroom and returned with a pale and puzzled place. He said, 'Prasad, I almost got into trouble today in the rest room". Upon little inquiry I learnt, while he was doing his 'thang' in the restroom, he wished a "hi" to a young guy next to him. After some small talk, Rudy mentioned that he was originally from Germany. It was the most unfortunate thing to hear the young guy reply with, "Ahh, that guy Hitler, hehe". Make no mistake, Rudy hates Hitler and everything associated to him. I dont think he said anything back, but just calmly moved out.
These two incidents prominently come to my mind because of the two different experiences we had at two different places and times years apart. People haven't changed, their insensitivities didn't nor their proclivity to be politically incorrect in the guise of humor. I would probably have felt that the man talked crap to me because I was an Indian, but Rudy's incident proves that there is no such barrier when it comes to offending others.
posted by samurai @ 1:02 PM
6 Comments:
Good thing the guy didn't respond to ""Moms are like that arent they..." comment. I was cringing as I read anticipating a heated exchange
I came here actually to reply to your astute comment at SM about women in their 50s and 60s being more loosy-goosy than their younger counterparts in the 30s and 40s. I belong to the former group. Your assessment is right on the money.
Those of us who grew up in the turbulent and relaxed (no contradition here) 60s and 70s are indeed less uptight. We tend to take the unusual and the unexpected a bit better in our stride. I have friends in both age groups - I know.
I am glad your post here deals with a somewhat similar subject - about men in my age group. Would have been awkward to comment on a wholly unrelated post. Well, your and Rudi's experience in the rest room illustrates that a--h--es on the other hand, come in all ages.
That should be "contradiction."
TD: Yes, I was also a bit afraid that he might say something more, but at that time, I was sure to walk away whatever he might spew out :)
Ruchira: Thanks for dropping by and also glad that you agree with my remark.
Living in those times must have been real fun - and the way people who belong to that generation try to connect with others, it would perhaps remain unmatched for decades to come.
what DOES his comment mean? "my mom might have been...etc"
i am genuinely at a loss. what is the bad meaning here?
With a single stroke, he is bad mouthing the jewish community as stingy/cheap and unnecesarily dragging his mother into that picture. He was also jocularly insulting me by hinting that I am cheap too.
When a man is so consciously willifying his own mom, it normally puts others at defense - a standard tactic.
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